What happened? Who hurt you? Do I need to cut a bitch? -sends hugs and love-
Oh, no no no no no! I just edited the text of the post because I guess it looks pretty confusing and ambiguous, whoops :) I just felt a resurgence of hurt from past bullying pain, which happened from age I-don’t-even-know-when-it-really-started-but-I-was-young to 18-ish (which is at least when it stopped being cool to pick on me, so if anyone was mean after that point it was personal rather than institutional). For context, I’m 25 now, so it’s years in my past, but shit like that never really heals.
But thank you for asking—I like hugs and love! :D
I just cried really hard after watching this video, and then went to Etsy to give a fox plushie a loving home. I probably shouldn’t have bought one since end of the month bills are coming up (hurrah), but … I think I needed that.
Truth be told, the way I coped with being bullied for most of my life was to try to be as nice to people as I can humanly manage (because we’re all assholes sometimes, and I’m never proud of myself when I am), in the hopes that people can … I don’t know, feel like they have someone who thinks they’re really awesome and special. That was what helped me through my dark days, and while I can’t be somebody for everybody, I do want to just be loving and nice to the people I can be loving and nice to.
Which is why I cried really hard, and bought a fox plushie. Because I don’t want people to feel as helpless as I felt.
I guess I should clarify that my cosplay break isn’t a cold-turkey stop because it’s cool to bring a costume to a con as long as it doesn’t have to be a big production all the time (which is what it was becoming, and that’s just tiring). I’m also still definitely dressing up at GGC and do have a few things to make for that, assuming Beth and I don’t mutually decide that we’d rather just relax—but we do intend to finish Cassandra so that’s unlikely.
But yeah, I do understand if people want to say goodbye to my blog because I’m not holding anyone here against their will. I’ll still post pictures and stuff, but I’m not making anything new after GGC, and that’s going to be the big change.
ALSO, last thing, part of the reason why I have to break—like actually kind of have to, and I’ve alluded to it on Twitter—is because I am a contract worker, and Washington State only allows us to work contracts for 11 months. By March 1st, I’m out of a job again unless I can secure something first, and you know that’s a little worrisome? I don’t need to spend money on crazy costumes when it’s more important that I can continue paying rent if I become unemployed. (which means saving money starting as soon as fucking possible) I have to prioritize my adult responsibilities over my fandom ones, unfortunately.
having these weird thoughts lately thinking a lot lately about cosplay and fandom, and the more I think, the more I realize that I am 100% burnt out. Maybe it’s just been this year, because this year has had a lot of drama and stress, with fandom drama and really over-the-top cosplay…
Hey. Hey you.
I know, you’re not looking for head pats or whatever, but like. Can I just say that I’m kind of bummed that you’re burnt out? No, not like how that initially sounds, but honest-to-goodness sad that something that should just be a fun hobby ended up, especially on top of real life stuff, becoming something that you didn’t look forward to, or even if you did, it’s an ungodly amount of stress. Cosplay should have stayed as something you did for fun and to chill, and I guess it’s sad that it just sort of… wasn’t. Because reading about how much Isabela impacted you, about how she was so much to you (and things of the sort), was kind of my favourite thing about your cosplays? Honest to god your posts about her made me tear up and just sort of choke up in the best ways.
Honestly, though, it’s not just your posts about her: I adore your posts on feminism and gaming and duckies and puppies and—- okay I think you get the point. Honestly I really respect you and I’m devastated whenever I see people giving you flack: you post cosplay pics, you don’t, you post personal things, you don’t, like… your blog is your blog, and hell yeah, you post what you want! (Not to mention when you get into detail on things and you can just read the passion behind the text and hhhhngrrrh ESPECIALLY when you post about gaming things and feminism things and dorky things and all the things.)
But, I’m getting distracted here. I just want to make sure that if no one else says it, I will: I’ll be here even if you stopped cosplaying, for any reason you freaking want to. You don’t owe us cosplay. Cosplay is the relationship between yourself and that character.
I’m getting distracted here but like: this wasn’t really an attempt to cheer you up, because hell I suck at it, and you said you weren’t looking for that, but even though the only reason I heard about you was cosplay, that sure as hell wasn’t why I followed you, and it won’t be why I stay here.
And I really don’t think most other people will say it, so I decided to take it into my own hands, even though I’m probably just the creepy blank icon on the other side of the computer.
No, you don’t need to delete it—I think I actually really needed to read it this week. Thank you :)
The good news is that, break or not, I’m still a big fan and huge dork with lots of silly shit to say, and that won’t be changing any time soon! I’m just hoping to be able to do more things like play video games and actually share my headcanons if anyone gives a shit about them, and engage with people more and ah oh my god like not have to sew every time I go home, that would be great. I also like the idea of being a little more anonymous at conventions—not that people recognize me as me or anything (nooooooooooooo) but just being able to walk through a crowd without being stopped for a picture and go to panels I want to attend and not spend so much energy on fucking cosplay drama for a little while. Just getting to be a fan and have fun with other fans, full stop.
So yeah, I’m around and a doofball, and I’m hoping that I’ll actually get to be more me for a little while than just share some pictures and wonder if people even care about the person wearing the costume.
Thank you so much to everyone who commented on the initial post—I don’t want to bore people with responses, but thank you to people who encouraged me to take a break, and I hope those of you that are kind of feeling similarly will likewise be able to take a breather. I am genuinely, genuinely grateful for people who encourage me to not be On all the time, seeing as I think it’s kind of a way of living for the ~*~typical Manhattan woman~*~ and I sort of miss living and being myself. TL;DR you guys are really sweet and awesome and thank you :’D
Also, smile-shy, 12 in about 3 years, not counting any sewing I’ve done for Beth on The Sheriff and the current progress on Cassandra…yeah I’m wiped XD
having these weird thoughts lately thinking a lot lately about cosplay and fandom, and the more I think, the more I realize that I am 100% burnt out. Maybe it’s just been this year, because this year has had a lot of drama and stress, with fandom drama and really over-the-top cosplay drama and also just Real Life Problems—that last bit being the things I really need to focus on but that I often find myself sacrificing for this hobby. And cosplay is just a hobby to me.
I believe that if a hobby isn’t fun, I shouldn’t do it. Maybe this crafting break is just what I needed.
We retire to the loft!
And lo the conversation did flow naturally from things we hated to things we loved. Mage hats fit snugly into the middle of the spectrum.
Ah! My cameo appearance! Look at that derp on the iPad 8D Also omg how is everyone so hot
So the awesome thing about my job is that I get to watch a lot of films/TV shows in a short space of time, and sometimes ones I wouldn’t ordinarily pick up. This not only means that I get to broaden my entertainment horizons, but I also get to see what’s out there in the world and critically examine a lot of work.
The horrible thing about my job is that I will literally be stuck on a shitty show for a week and oh my god can we just finish this QA pass of the Closer yet I AM SO DONE WITH THIS SHOW
So between being drained from my grandfather’s funeral in Los Angeles yesterday (I’m back up in Seattle now, at work) and my parents being in town this weekend (which is a very good thing for me right now), I’m not going to be on tumblr much until early next week. Just a heads up, in case you’re trying to reach me and I don’t respond immediately :) I’ll probably load a few things into the queue to keep you guys entertained (like animals! yay!), but for the most part I’m going to be out with family or taking some time to myself for a little bit. Just a heads up.
I’m okay, though. I need to stress that. My grandfather’s memorial was beautiful—his ashes were interred with my grandmother. He didn’t want the 21 gun salute that vets get, or any singing, but my uncle, who works for the highway patrol, managed to pull some strings and get a helicopter flyover. Opa was in the Air Force during WWII and completed 60 combat missions, so that particular tribute from one of his sons felt so appropriate. I broke at that point.
I’m probably going to regret posting this because I have this weird block that makes it nearly impossible for me to discuss things, but my grandfather passed away on Friday.
Sooooo if I was weird and/or spacey Friday night onward during SDCC, this is why
And if I’m slow to answer messages, it’s because I’m terribly out of it and have con crud and trying to process how I’m going to get everything done and go to LA for the memorial service next week and whatnot (I’ve read them! I will answer soon! You guys are awesome and thank you!)
Just wanted to be transparent, especially since I was so stressed before the con as well. There are so many people I want to thank and talk about and I want to show you guys pictures of me and the awesome people I saw and the gorgeous keyblade Beth made, but I’m having trouble getting through everything right now. This isn’t a hiatus, this is just a slow down because life has very interesting timing.
Thanks to those of you who were there for me when I found out: Lorena, Claire, Natalie, Giò, Gabe, and Parvez. I was having trouble just being myself that night, but you guys were very helpful in keeping me grounded and moving. Thanks <3
It just occurred to me that it’s been a while since we last spoke! To those of you who don’t know me too well, I think it’s time I introduce myself.
HI. I’m Allegra! I’m a a 24-year-old New Yorker who moved to Seattle this year, so can someone explain to me why people around here are so passive-aggressive why don’t they just scream expletives at strangers like we do back home
I’m an Italian-American who went to a French school for twelve years, which kind of makes me Fritalian-American. Je ne regrette RIEN. I speak both French and Italian, though I’m pretty damn rusty at this point.
I have a degree in theatre and minor in Italian from Northwestern University. The degree in theatre means that I’m a certified professional at being a goofball in front of other people, and the minor in Italian means that I have a boner for Leonardo da Vinci. I don’t have a writing degree, but I do write for a webcomic!
I’m a trained voice actor, though I’m currently pursuing a somewhat more realistic career as a marketer. Even if acting isn’t in my future, it will always be a part of my life. As it turns out, I like to randomly use different voices at people, especially my long-suffering cosplay partner, Bethany. (Plot twist: I’m actually the long-suffering one.)
I have lots of Feels about video games, social issues, and how these two combine in the geek world, especially in cosplay. I can be pretty outspoken on the subject. I want to make sure that cosplay is a safe space for everyone, and not just people who fit a specific visual mold. After all, I value creativity, craftsmanship, and crazy, passionate people who really love and embody their characters—not whether your face and body are suitably attractive to cosplay x or y character. That sort of attitude fosters a culture of shame instead of a creative community. Also: I cosplay for myself, and cosplay != consent.
While I can be slow to respond sometimes (usually because I read something at the office and forget to answer it later), I try to take time to answer anyone who addresses me, at least in asks. (I try not to spam people’s dash with replies to comments) Please feel free to drop me an ask! I love saying hi :D
By the way, I’m drinking a prickly pear margarita in the photo, which I mostly ordered because HOT PINK MARGARITA. Usually I put the lime in the coconut. Also, I really love duckies and puppies ;3;